Et Tu, Brute?

I'm currently in class listening to an MIT grad endlessly ramble on about programming, PHP in particular. Do I care? Not really.. "Then why are you in ECPI for computers?", simple. It's natural. Some people are born with skills, whether they be genetics or what have you, that they are naturally better in some areas than others. Track stars, Computer engineers, whatever. I'm not a "geek" by any means of the word, but technology does intrigue me. I won't doubt that. A lot of my skill comes from hand and eye coordination which I'm just recently finding out, I am extremely good with. I've always been excellent at videogames for example.. take a game like Halo 2 for the Xbox console. I'm ranked around #72 out of more than over 10 million people worldwide. Not bad. Computers? I type around 89 WPM nowadays, and most people observing me on the PC just see random things flash about on the screen at very high speeds. I'm always asked how I process things so quickly, but it's natural as I said.

Perhaps I'm slow or had a deep sense of low self-esteem for my teenage years, but I didn't catch on to this talent. Roughly about two years ago I picked up my first guitar and started to dabble in an area that I was an amateur in.. Music. I had a lot of pedigreed musicians around me to show me the ropes and mentor me, which I attribute to luck. I didn't think I was so hot, however I seemed to amazed these guys everyday who had been playing for over 10 years. They were perplexed at my ability to grasp concepts so quickly, and dedication to perfecting whatever I learned and then changing it so it was MY music. I can play you a song you hear on the radio, anyone can do that. What was surprising them, was I was learning some well-known songs but changing the rhythms, structure, scales, the song, to fit my own version. Take Lynard Skynard's "Simple Man" and compare it to Shinedown's version of the same song. Same song, but different feel.

Slowly, and still coming along, I'm gaining something I've never had in my life.. confidence. I'm still learning, as I wish to remain humble at the same time, but it's opening new doors in my life. Possibly I'm just finally peaking/maturing at the right time, but I'm happy.. I really am. Once I gained that shred of confidence, everything else began to come back together when I considered all to be lost. I'd claimed to lose weight before, but now it was real. I was at 225 lbs two years ago, I now bolster in at 170 lbs with hip bones I never knew.. I never dreamed of a six-pack unless I was watching my buddy Jesse (Who shall now be called Goose, his nickname) down some Budweiser. (Well get into the drugs, alcohol, and partying later.. that was the "Falling apart" phase) Sadly, I also carefully took notice to how women were suddenly attracted to my new look. Yes, I'm not going to bullshit you.. I'm in the best shape of my life. But is that all they're looking at? It made me depressed but it was simply wrong.. My body wasn't the only thing that was overhauled, my mind was born again so to speak. How did this happen? It's a rough story for me.

For a couple years I was involved with an exceptionally bright young girl. This was in my years of having a wall of low self-esteem, and she was like a Tank trying to plow through it. She tried expanding my ideals, my mind.. just me as a person, but I just couldn't handle her at the time. She was more mature, more creative, and while I loved her to no end.. she simply needed more and had another to fit the bill. I blamed her, I blamed him.. I blamed whomever I could to justify things in my mind. I thought I was ready but I couldn't of been further from the truth. When the bond was severed, I panicked. I moved out, was on my own in an apartment with friends, but there was where I finally started learning. I stopped talking to her, simply because it was just a hassle for her. She had moved on and I was trying to keep the memory there. I knew how to love, but I didn't know how to challenge my lover and appreciate them. Last I heard she moved, and is happy. I just wish I could of given her a shred of what she gave me, as without her.. I wouldn't of become what I am today. So if you're out there, thank you. Pain breeds life.

So whom am I? Just call me Web, everyone else does whether I prefer it or not. My name is Lawrence Webster Smith. The Lawrence comes from the Grandfather on my mother's side, the Webster being my blood rather's side. Why do I prefer Lawrence? That's the only grandfather I've ever known and loved. I'm close to my family, but not as I used to be. I'm extremely busy these days, as I have bills to pay (have my own house) and college to deal with. Occassionally, I'll have a girlfriend but it never lasts more than a week at most. It feels like the tables have been flipped.. They say they've fallen in love with me, but that's not enough. Their personalities bore me, to put it simple.

So in my spare time I dedicate myself to my music. I hope to record a CD here soon, not to try and get a record label or something to that degree.. But to share my happiness of music with others. It's how I speak to people now when all else fails. Lately I've been heavy in classical guitar, but it varies. I like a broad range of music and while Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata amazes me this week, Seether will tantalize me the next. I'll always have my best days though finger-picking something in the classical sense.

Enough for now. Class is dismissed.